ATTN:

If you would like to propose to me,

here is how you should do it:

Using the key I gave you

you should let yourself into my apartment

on a Tuesday night

and you should spell out the words

“Will You Marry Me”

with expensive, really beautiful and fresh

sushi, on my kitchen table

for me to come home to

after a long day at work.

You should not be there when I get home.

I will eat the sushi

And call you to say “yes”.